Feeling like an old grain buggy.....

Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,"I will try again tomorrow."- Mary Anne Radmacher

The first part of this year has been a challenge.  There are only two of us that work in my department and with the girl I work with out on maternity leave for 8 weeks I had the whole thing by myself.  That was the entire months of February and March and honestly the first quarter of the year is always the busiest.  I did pretty good the first couple of weeks and then I started getting behind and after that it was just treading water and trying to keep the worst fires stomped out.  She's been back about three weeks now and I've probably still got about two weeks before I'll be all caught back up again.  Then again in my line of work you're never really "done" or "caught up" it's literally like being on a treadmill that never stops.  It's just a matter of how fast you're running.

I  have been thinking and evaluating my photography work lately and does it really matter.  
(When I get overwhelmed and stressed my mind has a hard time shutting down so I don't sleep and I spend a lot of time thinking.)  I enjoy what I do here.  But, not to have a pity party or anything, I just wonder does it really matter.  I love all these goofy pictures I take and the silly stories I write but I do get a little discouraged.  I've thought about maybe taking some of these pictures and stories I have rattling around in my brain and writing an ebook. No publisher would probably ever be interested in the pictures and the stories of the little places I love and call home but maybe you out there in the internet would be interested.  

There are so many blogs now, it's hard to get noticed and my focus is pretty narrow, I know.  That doesn't help.  Maybe I'm really not that good of a photographer; maybe I'm not that good of a writer.  (And no i'm not fishing for compliments.)  

All I ever really wanted in life, other than being a professional horse trainer, was to be a writer or artist of some kind.  Even at my age it's still disappointing to know that dream will probably never come true.  
And yes, maybe this is all a pity party after all.

But, for those of you that read this and care and maybe have thought, "What's up with her?"

Well, this is what's up with me.  I'm just a little down and have been for a little while now.  I've been sewing and reading and watching way too much Hell on Wheels and a bunch of other period dramas.  
But tonight I did pull out my computer and started sorting pictures and edited this one.  I'm trying to get back in the swing of things but real life has just stank lately and every time I would look at my pictures I would think how much they sucked and would just close my computer again.  

More pity partyness.  

I'll hush now and stop being a Debbie Downer.  Have a great weekend friends, honestly, and we'll see ya down the road.   


  1. I have been wondering where you were, so I am happy to see you back and still getting in the saddle every morning. I understand so totally right now. I have been in the same boat of late, with time issues, things needing doing around the house, care obligations, and work is just one giant muck hole sucking out every bit of my life these days. I think it is just the cycle that life takes at times, and once we have been on the pity pot for a bit, we feel better and decide 'okay, I'm done' or at least that is how it works for me.

    Sometimes, I think the thing that really matters is those opportunities that some of us connect us in ways we might not have expected, and we never know the impact for sure. I know your long absence has had me wondering and concerned and missing you and the things you shared. Welcome back grain buggy! I am going to saddle up now and after I ride that golden stubble up there, I'm going to ride over and pick Grandma's yellow irises.

    1. Thank you for your kind words and concern. I just haven't felt the thing lately if that makes any sense. And you're saying work sucks everything out of you is _exactly_ how I have felt lately. I know I need some time off work to recharge and just take some time away from the stress and demands, but I've got a few weeks yet before that's possible and it's more than a little frustrating.

      And I think more than anything I'm going through some growing pains as a person.

      Thank you again.

    2. Absolutely understanding "not felt the thing" and growing pains. After all these years, me, too.

  2. Ok ladies, once again ya'll are telling the stories as if they came right out of my mind. I don't have a horse to saddle, but maybe I can hitch these little dogs up to my buggy :) and join ya'll under a big tree somewhere and share a lunch and bottle of wine! Lana, I'm glad you are okay and just down right now. I think your pictures capture so much more than just images and I enjoy reading everything you write, especially those recipes!

    1. "...telling the stories as if they came right out of my mind..." There you go sistah!

    2. Thanks Beth. Life as an adult is a lot harder than anyone tells you and it definitely takes a lot sometimes to keep that positive attitude. Thank you for the kind thoughts about my pictures also. :)

  3. i totally get this. like, you just translated my thoughts. it's no biggie. but sometimes we need to talk about it, so it was good good good to read this.

    1. I try not to vent too terribly much on here, but life has been a little harder than usual. Thank you for the kind thoughts. :)


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