Thankfulness

A little late, but such is my life.....

I’ve done several posts in the past on what I am thankful for, you can read those by searching the blog if you like.  I think we’re all thankful for the same things in the broad sense of the word: family, friends, shelter, and food.  We’re thankful to have jobs even if they drive us crazy, houses even when they seem too large when cleaning them, cars that run most of the time, and the little luxuries that make life worth living like horses, chocolate, and coffee.  We’re thankful for our health if it is good and even if it is bad it can always be worse.  We’re thankful for our kids even when they begin every single sentence with ‘momma.’  We are thankful because it can always be worse.  We are grateful because to not be is the height of ungratefulness.  And all good southern children no matter if they big or small are taught to never be ungrateful.    

But I think what I am most grateful for this year is the opportunity to just be.  Life is difficult, it is hard, and it is long.  The road is winding with so many blind curves you never quite seem to get your bearings.  It’s like a road through the Kilgore hills, you just drive, hold on, and never take your eyes off where you hope you’re going.  I have places I would like to go, things I would like to accomplish and being the type of person I am I get all worked up and frustrated when I don’t get there on this imaginary timeline I’ve set for myself.  I feel defeated in the struggle.  

I’m sure you’ve noticed the last few years have been slim on the blog.  I’ve been writing when the spirit moves and posting when I felt like a piece of writing was right.  I have felt frustrated because I haven’t gotten done near what I wanted to this year.  So frustrated in fact, that I’ve struggled with my writing.  I’ve struggled to find the time and the drive to edit pictures and write.  I see people come to the blog because I can see the stats but no one ever comments.  Well hardly anyone.  That in itself was mildly depressing.  I would look at the numbers and think, good golly they can come and look but not leave one blessed comment?  Then I chalked up my traffic to spambots.  I can remember shutting my laptop one night after looking at my statistics on visitors, popular posts, and the like and feeling disgusted.  I told myself it didn’t matter, but dammit it did matter to me.  I’ll be petty and honest for a moment.  It mattered.  

And then the other day I got an email.  I got an email from one of the board of directors for our local historical society, and they wanted to publish my last Stories of the South posts about the Treaty of Dancing Rabbit in their monthly newsletter.  (You can read those HERE and HERE.)   And point of fact they wanted to run it as a two-part serial.  I was blown away.  They also invited me as a guest to their monthly meeting which I attended and had so many sweet people come up to me and tell me how much they liked this website and how much they had enjoyed my article.  I don’t know how much I can say that meant to me.  It’s one thing for your momma and them to say that they like something you have written and it’s another to have complete and perfect strangers that aren’t even related to you say that they like your writing.   That they follow your blog and can’t wait to see what you are going to write about next.  

To say that I was a little self-conscious and embarrassed is, of course, an understatement.  Yes, I am strange.  I want to know that people are reading my stuff and then when they say that they do I’m embarrassed.  I never said that I was put here on this earth to be consistent and make sense.  But as I sat back and listened to the speaker I was content.  I could see that I had needed this year to just be.  To not worry about churning out content, to not have set goals as far as weekly posts were concerned, to just enjoy my life.  

The writing will come.  The photography will too.  I have a wonderful new computer I bought back in September that is an absolute dream.  But in this season of my life with work and a kindergartener, and a family that needs me I have to do what I need to do in that moment and worrying about what I’m not getting done is not accomplishing anything.  Well, not anything but producing more anxiety.  

I hope you have taken time to just be this year too.  To read books, and do homework, and cook meals, and drink too much coffee, and ride horses through thick green woods, and feel accomplishment of finally crocheting the perfect shell stitch, and of making skirts and watching a curly headed blonde girl spin round and round to make the flounce flare out around her.  I hope you’ve held a warm dog across your lap and stayed up entirely too late watching your favorite historical drama, and walked barefoot through perfect summer grass, and smelled freshly cut hay.  I hope your to be read pile of books is larger than your read pile of books and that you’ve car danced to favorite music much to the amusement of the people around you.  I hope you’ve taken time to just be you.  I’ve done all this and more.  And I am thankful for the opportunity.  I am thankful for the gift.  The gift of this life.  The gift of another day.  Because each day is just that.  Each hour is not promised.  

Dear sweet lovelies, each one of you are just that.  That’s why I’ve used that closing phrase at the end of my posts for several years now.  No matter what you might think, I believe that each of you is perfectly lovely.  The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines “lovely” as an adjective meaning delightful for beauty, harmony or grace and also as grand, swell.  I do think all of you are grand and pretty darn swell.  I am thankful for each of you whether you comment not.  I thank each and every one of you for supporting me and especially supporting me during my very first self-published book release this year.  You all helped finance my new computer if I never mentioned what I did with the money!  Thank you so much.  

Thank you all again, and God Bless, my lovelies.  Have a wonderful holiday season, I love you all very much.  

Whether you like it or not.  ;)